Guardian Soulmate
by Space DaddyTM
Summary: "When I was younger my parents would tell me stories. Stories about angels. In the story if someone were to die young they would be reborn as an angel and sent to watch over their soulmate. I never believed them. They seemed like lies to me. Yet here I am." Rated M for adult language. Reviews would be loved and please enjoy! Trigger warning: depression/depressive topics
1. Chapter 1

_AU: hey guys I started this phanfiction and thought I'd publish it. I'm still working on it so expect another chapter probably next week. Enjoy and please favorite and leave a nice comment in the reviews~_

 _ **Guardian soulmate**_

 _ **DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN DAN OR PHIL I WISH I DID THO.**_

 _ **.**_

 **.**

I never believed in stories when I was little They were all lies to me. My parents would tell me of elves and unicorns. But above all they would tell me about angels. They always told stories that if someone died then they would be reborn as a guardian angel for their 'soul mate'. I never believed them. How could I, it all sounded like bullshit. But I guess now I must believe them, shouldn't I?

.

If you were to ask me to introduce myself I don't think I could. I mean there's just nothing to tell you. My name is Daniel and I never made it past 19. My story ended on April 24, 2009, But I don't know. I think it took me dying for my life to really begin.

.

.

I was 19 and had 2 wonderful parents and a younger brother named Adrian. We got along, I guess. Although through all 19 years of my life I've never had a 'best friend'. I was a shy kid who had no 'true friends'. I like to call myself shy while others proclaim that I'm just 'anti social or a 'shut in'. Maybe they're right. But maybe if I was a shut in I'd still be breathing.

It's kind of ironic actually... I never believed in angels yet I became one.


	2. Chapter 2

_an: hey guys I'm actually suprised how fast I finished this chapter! :D yay! And also for any of you wondering this is all being told by Dan. He is the narrator. Just to clear that up for you all~ enjoy~_

 _._

 **DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN DAN OR PHIL OR ANY COPYRIGHTED COMPANIES MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER**

 **Guardian soulmate**

.

My story? Its probably isn't as interesting as you r basic fairy tale. But I guess it is a heroic tale. So I guess that means something. I died trying to save someone else so I guess that's heroic?

.

I'm gonna stop tip toeing around it and just tell you the god damn story.

So it was a warm April day in Manchester. I was forced to actually go outside and do yard work ... Yep, I died because of yard work.

We had barely any neighbors. We had the Lester's to our left and the- I forgot their names but I think its Kennedys- to our right. Now I live in an extremely quiet neighbor hood. Everyone knows each other and that's about it. As for myself, I knew the one neighbor's son. Phillip, (Personally I think Phil would be better to go by but he wouldn't have it.)

.

I wouldn't say we we're 'friends' ,but we did hang out on the occasion. And he is pretty cute. You know for a guy... And he's probably one of the nicest boys I've ever met. And now that I'm thinking about it, this all is sounding really really creepy and stalkerish.. Just ignore everything I just said please.

.

Anyways so I was forcefully ripped out of my room to do yard work in the front yard. I guess it wasn't half bad because I did have my chemical romance to drown out the rest of the world with. So blah blah blah I mowed the lawn and stuff that's rather unimportant to the story. I finished up and sat under the tall oak tree in our yard for some shade. When Phil walked out to go get his family's mail. Unlike most places our mail boxes are across the street, instead of in front of the house. He waved at me and I returned a weak smile. He ran across the road to the mail box and grabbed his mail. He stared down at the mail sorting through the letters and slowly walking across the street without looking up. As he did a car came barreling up the street at 85-90 mph. To tell you the truth I don't know what was going on in my mind. But my legs broke out into a sprint. I started screaming at him like a mad man and I ran out onto the road after him. "PHIL LOOK OUT!" I screamed as I quickly shoved him out of the way as the car hit me head on **.**


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: hi guys I'm sorry if this chapter seems depressive or overly dramatic. I'm basing everything from this chapter of the fact of once my neighbor was struck and hit by a car. He survived luckily and lived to tell us what he felt in the moment of being hit by a car. So I'm trying to base everything off of what he said .. Also I'm sorry a lot of these are no more then 500 words. I update daily so I compensate for the lake of words. I think. Anyways enjoy ~_

 **DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN DAN OR PHIL**

 **Guardian soulmate**

...

In that moment my mind went blank as my body went numb. All I could hear was car brakes squealing and screams from who i could only guess was Phil. Then everything just stopped. The brakes didn't squeal, nothing. Only distant mumbling, as i thrown to the side of the road near our drive way unable to move anything.

...

I heard Phil scream as he ran towards me. I could tell by what I could see that he was crying. Crying and yelling. In a few seconds new faces joined his. My mom, my dad, and a woman I had never met before. I could barely hear then but I could tell they were screaming and quite panicked. I heard the sirens blaring up our road being mixed in with the ringing in my ears. But that's it. All I saw was the faces of ones I loved and the beautiful blue sky above me.

...

In that moment my brain finally caught up with what was happening. I was going to die. And all for what? Some boy I barely know? Heroic? Maybe. Stupid? No. Crazy. Absolutely.

...

Things changed in that moment. Everything just felt meaningless. Everything that I had ever worried about felt so unimportant as of this moment. My family was crying, Phil was crying and here I was laying on a stretcher inside of an ambulance clinging to the last threads of my life. It really truly does put everything I've ever done into perspective.

...

Then the world just went blank. No noise, nothing. Just darkness. And the permanent image of my family and my best friend crying in pain over me. Nice way to go out huh?

...

Even after you die you can still feel and see the world going on around you. You can feel the world still revolving with or without you. But you still know that there are/were people who are going to miss you and that is a pleasant feeling at least

...

And now that I'm thinking about it this all makes me sound EXTREMELY emo.. I swear I'm not.


	4. Chapter 6

_an: hey guys. Sorry for such a wait. Also this chapter will be in the POV of Phil. So yeah_

 **Disclaimer: do I really have to write this shit?**

 **Guardian Angel**

What is there truly to say when someone sacrifices their life for you? Thank you? That's probably not good enough. But what is there to say when you see one of your 'best friends' lying dead across the road because he was trying to save you. Not only does it hurt your heart it starts something. Some call it depression while others call it 'being a teenager'.

But talking from experience in that single moment there are no words. The only thing that leave your mouth are screams. Loud and very hurt screams.

I ran to his drive way and held him up on my knees. He was gonna die, all because I couldn't look where I was going. I could see the life in his brown eyes fading slowly. This is my fault. This is all my fault. Little did I know that image and those words were going to stick with me. They stayed in my head for years. In that moment I hadn't noticed I was crying until my mum came out and wiped the tears from my puffy eyes.

When the ambulance finally came I finally stood up, my legs refused to move from where I was sitting but I forced them to stand. I wasn't going to leave Dan. We might not have been that close but he gave his life to save me. And crush or not I liked him, and I want going to leave his side. I walked into the ambulance with his mom and dad. The look on their faces is one that will be in the back of my mind surely til I die. There was pure terror and sadness in the eyes. I wanted to grab his hand and try to comfort him, comfort myself. We sat in silence the whole ride the only noises were provided by the ambulance's sirens and the slow heart beat sounding off the monitor. He was wheeled into the hospital where he was pronounced brain dead an hour later. My stomach dropped and my heart sank when the doctor uttered those few words. "Mr and Mrs. Howell, your son is... Dead. I'm sorry to tell you this." I couldn't even look at them to apologize for what I did, I didn't have the heart. I went into Dan's room and stared at his body for a moment. "Thank you." I muttered out between breaths. My voice was shaky and quiet. I kissed him on the lips somewhat praying that this could end like a Disney movie. Even though I knew it wouldn't. I had my mum pick me up from the hospital. I didn't have anymore tears left and there was a sharp pain I'm my chest. All I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I'd wake up and find out that this was some sick nightmare. That happens right? Why not now? I stared out the window the entire ride. Gazing out at our now seemingly quiet neighborhood. Everything was calm and silent. The birds didn't chirp and it seemed that all the neighbors were inside . it seems that even the world was mourning.

We pulled into my driveway as I slowly got out of the car. I noticed Adrian sitting on the porch. He got up slowly when he noticed me walking over cautiously. "Hey Phil." He said in a low voice.

"Its philli- I mean yes?" Dan always called me Phil so I'll let it slide. "I just wanted you to know its not your fault. It was my idiot brother who got himself killed." When he said that I could see the utter disgust in his eyes. "Thanks." I said walking to my front door. I looked back at him, he looked like Dan. Almost an exact match. I ran upstairs to my room and flopped onto my bed. I laid there in silence staring up at my ceiling. It didn't matter what Adrian said. It was entirely my fault. My mom came knocking almost an hour later saying it was dinner time. I wasn't all the hungry to be honest, so I just remained in my room. That didn't last very long when my brother came upstairs and almost dragged me downstairs to the kitchen table. I know he was worried about me no matter how many times I re assured him that I was fine. I picked at my chicken the entire time and I think my parents started catching on. "So Philip how are you doing?" "Fine I guess" "so any girls at your school that you like?" "Not really." "Are you not hungry? You've been picking at your plate for 10 minutes now." "Yeah, may I be excused?" "Of course you can!" I grabbed my plate and emptied it into the trash running upstairs to avoid any further questions.

I could always make a video. That usually cheers me up enough. I mean I'm not the most 'popular' channel. But I make by with my small black and white camera. It was once a 'prize' at the bottom of a box of cereal. But it works all the same. But you guys seem to enjoy my videos all the while. What would I make it about though? I don't quite have any ideas and I'd rather not put up a depressing video. That's not like me. No matter how crappy I feel right now. I could write a story I guess. I smiled at even the concept of writing a story. One with adventure and thrilling twists and turns. I pulled of a pen and an old composition book. A few pages were already written on but I can just rip them out later. I started scribbling down ideas keeping in mind the two characters I knew I was going to write about. One of them just happens to be alive right now in my story.


	5. Chapter 7

_an:GUYS MY BABY GOT TO 3 MILLION SUBSCRIBERS. (yes I'm talking about Phil.) IM SO PROUD OF HIM ? MY SON_

- _Thefallenpoet?_


	6. Chapter 9

_AN: IM BACK,REVAMPED!_ _Anyways hey guys!_ _Yes I am back with a brand new chapter of guardian soulmate. So so so sorry about the delay but hey, its here_ now! _I really hope you guys enjoy and I kinda wanna bring something up. Firstly someone asked me to put a trigger warning at the beginning of the chapters. I will probably start doing that since this story does deal with some heavy heavy stuff. Also secondly if you don't already. Go follow me on my Instagram coffeeshoplester ! Its pretty rad. Anyways, hope you enjoy!_

 _*as much as I would love to write from Dan's POV I simply don't know if I want/can right now. There might be parts where I write from his pov but for the most part it will be from Phil's eyes. -thefallenpoet*_

 _Quick note: also! If there are any italicized moments that's him talking to himself. Just for warning, okay carry on my wayward sons!_

 _ **Trigger warning: if you suffer from things such as depression please be careful when reading this story. It does deal with heavy things and I dont wish to hurt anybody. So please proceed with caution~**_

 **disclaimer: blah blah blah I don't own Dan or Phil alright?**

 ** _GUARDIAN SOULMATE_**

Its been almost a week since the accident and today was Dan's funeral. I probably shouldn't have ,but I went. I could feel a slight awkwardness. I could feel his family staring at me, judging me.

 _"Phil why would they be judging you? They don't even know you"_

I spotted his mom and dad standing next to the coffin. His mom still had the same look on her face as she did at the hospital. But this time it was a bit. I don't want to say this but it was a bit softer. She greeted me with a soft smile and I tried to return one back. I didn't deserve to see her smile at me. She should hate me. "Phil!" She said walking over to me. "Hello Mrs. Howell." i said not daring to meet her eyes. "Its good to see you." She said wrapping me into a tight hug. I was taken back a bit by the hug to say the least. "Its -its nice to see you too." She let's go and walks away to talk to who I presume is family. Her husband glaring at me before following her. Dan's brother however is still standing in front of me. He hasn't said anything hes just kind of staring at me. "Yes, Adrian?" I said breaking the silence. He quickly regains focus and stops staring at me. "If you could come to my house after the funeral my mom would appreciate it. There's some stuff of Dan's that we thought you might like. I- I mean I can't fit into them and we don't have a use for them so we thought of you." On the outside I was cool and collected but on the inside I was a little concerned and upset. Its been only a week since he died and they're just giving away his stuff? Like he didn't even matter.

 _"why do you care Phil? He's just some kid you were friends with. That's it, a friend."_

"Yeah sure." I said as he walked away. I went over to the casket and froze. I couldn't even look at him, that how sad my life is at this point. I attended his funeral because I felt a need to apologize (if I haven't already done that enough) or get some kind of closure and I can't even look at him. I felt my breathing quicken its pace and I could tell I was about to start crying. I excused myself from the funeral quickly walking outside so I wouldn't be noticed. I found a small willow tree out in the court yard and stood in front of it. Slowly sliding onto the grass as tears swelled up in my eyes. I sat on the ground with my face buried in my hands. Not caring about the dirt getting on my tuxedo. That doesn't matter right now.

 _"Stop crying Phil. There's no point. He's dead and its all your fucking fault. Nothings gonna change that."_

Its starting to trickle a bit and is showing heavy signs that is gonna rain soon. Great now my life has become exactly like a Disney movie.

 ***Dan POV***

He looks so miserable even from Heaven's standards. He doesn't deserve to be this upset. All I would want on this Earth is to tell him its not his fault. Assure him that my actions were on my own free will. But all I can do now is sit next to him without him knowing and watch over him Luke some kind of guardian angel that I guess I'm meant to be. But why him? I've had a few girlfriends in my past and a small group of "friends" so why don't I watch over one of them? Why Phil? I mean yes I saved him but is that it? I jumped in front of a car for him so now I'm glued to his ass for all eternity? That's some after life I guess.

I looked back down at him. The dirt now turning into mud underneath him, and the rain starting to mess up his pitch black hair. Why can't I do all the cool things angel are supposed to do? Like have wings or have the ability to - I don't know change stoplight? Why can't I do any of those things? I 'sat' beside him placing my arms around him. Maybe I can make him warm or something? I don't think it'll work, but its worth a shot right? I rested my head on his shoulder when is head quickly shot up. Did that actually work? He looked around a bit confused before standing back up and walking back inside. Greeeeeeattt I get to awkwardly attend my own funeral, how fun.

My point still stands that attending your own funeral is boring and down right depressing.. Okay that sounds alot worse now that I think about it. But its true! All my family is here (I mean to be fair I truly don't know half these people anyways.) They're all giving long speeches about how much of a saint I was and - oh god they're pulling out the baby photos. Oh god the hobbit hair, not the hobbit hair please. Isn't being dead punishment enough? Now I have to sit here and watch as they show baby pictures to my literal three friends and like 300 family members? You know those powers I was mentioning earlier that I wish I had? Now would be an excellent time to use them.


	7. Chapter 10

_an: hey hey! I actually am getting this chapter out fairly quickly. Wow. Anyways hope you enjoy!_

 **disclaimer: I don't own Dan or Phil**

 _ **trigger warning: this story does handle depression and depressive topics. Proceed with caution**_

 _ **Guardian soulmate**_

I never understood funerals. And I guess I never will at any case. I'm just kinda glad its over so I don't have to watch it anymore. They kept talking about how I never had any friends and yada yada yada. I wasn't that bad! I mean yeah I had four friends but I wasn't anti social.

I got into the car with Phil. Luckily I didn't have to use the door. That might have spooked him a little if I had. Being an angel is weird. I'm almost human with some exceptions. I can touch and move things. But I can't be seen. I have wings ,yet I can't fly. I mean I probably could if I tried. But I have no clue how to do that. So I'd rather not. I'd probably have to use pixie dust or some bullshit like that. But oh boy is having wings difficult. Yes they're pretty, but putting on shirts. You can only imagine putting a shirt on with wings. Together they are 28ft. THAT'S TALLER/LARGER THAN I WILL EVER BE. they must be magical to one be able to fly , and two nicely fold up on my back with no issues. I mean you couldn't see them of course, unless I wanted you too. I've learned very little on how this works ,but apparently if I wanted to I could just walk among people again. If I just wanted to hide my wings. I mean I probably won't for a while. It might be weird if anyone recognized me and saw a dead kid walking around.

My wings are black with silver arching feathers. It nice to know that even in death I could keep my 2006 my chemical romance black parade aesthetic.

.

.

Wait- where's Phil? I so was busy day dreaming that I hadn't noticed he left the car. He's parked in his drive way but his bedroom lights aren't one. And I can't feel his presence. But why are my bedroom lights on? I could fly into my room to see what's up because you know what fuck front doors.

Never mind, front door it is.

I don't see Phil? He's not sitting in my living room so where the hell is he? Is he?- I set my feet down at the base of my stairs. Climbing up them slowly recalling all the broken bones I once had from sliding down the handrails. The amount of rug burn that's is probably still on my ass from sliding down them. I made it to the hall I walked even slower towards my bedroom. The door was wide open so I peacefully walked in. Phil was sat on my bed while my mum was running back and forth from my closet to a small box sitting on my desk. I walked over and sat in the chair that was connected to my desk. If they're giving away my stuff I should at least be able to look through it or add some stuff. Hoodies, jeans, a couple of my MCR shirts. (I'm not really surprised about that last one Adrian hates my chemical romance. But I'm surprised that Phil likes them.) Wait is that?-

At the very bottom of the pile sat a pair of my leather pants that I bought as a joke once. Oh god ,why. I immediately pulled them out and shoved them behind my desk. Burn them- leave no evidence. There are a few things I could add to this box. I knew a little bit about Phil so I could add some stuff he'd probably like. And I mean if I'm gonna be stuck with him why not?

I grabbed a few things and shoved them into the box; a final fantasy figurine, a book (or two),the muse album. (I'll be damned if I can't still listen to that.) And sat back down on the chair. Watching my mum show some things to Phil. Who did look happier at least. She threw a couple more things in before shutting it. Luckily I don't think she noticed the stuff I threw in, not yet at least. I doubt she'd really care either way.

My mom taped up the box and handed it to Phil. "Thank you for coming over Phil. It was nice seeing you." She said as they both left my room. I wouldn't have even thought that the box was heavy but boy does it look like Phil is having a bit of trouble. When we reached the stairs I took an end of the box. I could see the physical relief and confusion on his face as the box got lighter. And boy was I wrong, the box is pretty heavy. what else did my mom put in it?

By nightfall everything was peaceful again. The world was moving on once again. I sat in Phil's room creepy yes I know. But I can't quite leave. Where would I go? Back to heaven? Nah. The box of my stuff sat by the corner of his bed on the floor and I sat in the "study chair" he has in his room. Angels don't exactly need sleep or food, for that matter. But we can do those things anyways. I want to do something, I don't want to watch him sleep. I spotted a small pile of notebooks on his dresser, you could say my interest is peeked on what he's working on. I shifted through them. English, maths, history. Then I spotted a black composition book at the bottom of the pile. No title but it was clearly written in. From the looks of it a couple of pages have already been torn out. I flipped to the first page and scanned it. From the looks of it, it was a story day he was working on.

"It was a rainy day just like any other in Manchester. But today was different. Today was going to be extraordinary"


	8. Chapter 11

_an: hey guys! Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter up. I've been super stressed out with finals and shit that's I've completely forgotten about it. Terribly sorry. Anyways I hope you enjoy the new chapter! Its going to be rather dramatic. Not gonna lie. Also! Me and my friends (also my crush) made an Instagram called textbooks (there's a period between text and books for warning ), where we post rants on books and funny text posts and stuff. So go follow us there! And as always thank you for the support! ❤_

 _._

 ** _trigger warning: this story does deal with depression and depressive topics. If you are sensitive or easily triggered to said topics. Proceed with caution_**

 **disclaimer: one day I will make a deal with Mr and Mrs Lester and Howell. So I can adopt Dan and Phil but until that day I still have to write a shitty disclaimer**

 **.**

 _ **GUARDIAN SOULMATE**_

"What the-?"

I startled awake and noticed Phil staring back at me curiously. Oh god I fell asleep. This is bad. This is really fucking bad.

"This isn't what it looks like, I swear." My eyes immediately shot up to the clock. It was almost3 am. Why on earth was he up at this hour?

"Dan, what is going on? How are you? How are you here?"

"I'm -um- I'm not. This is a dream Phil. Go back to bed. You're just dreaming." Oh god this sounded ridiculous. There is now way he's buying this

"I'm dreaming? But why are you in my dreams? It just feels top real."

"Just go back to bed Phil. Go back to sleep."

"But why I wanna talk to you. I wanna see you Dan at least."

"Phil please. Just go back to bed, I'm not real! I'm- I'm dead remember?"

I saw the sadness burning in his eyes. Why did I have to say that of all things.

"Phil just go to bed."

"But I want you to be here. Will you be here when I wake up?" He pleaded.

"Do you want me to be?"

Why am I even bothering to ask. I cant do this to him. He doesn't deserve this.

"Yes, if this truly isn't a dream. Please be here when I wake up."

He turned his back on me for a second. He was focusing on something/ on what I couldn't say. He quickly spun back on his heels to face me again. I don't know what caused his next action. Whether it was desire or pure sleepiness. He raised his hands to my cheeks and cupped my face. Pushing his lips onto mine. Smiling like a mad man when he let go. His grin quickly faded away, however.

"Oh god I -I just. I am so so sorry." He said hiding his face in the palms of his hands.

I had just gotten over the shock of it all when he quickly walked out of the room and gunned it towards the bathroom.

I quickly cloaked myself before he got back. As long as he thinks it was just a dream then we'd be okay.

He came back into the room and his eyes focused on when I sat/am sitting. His eyes grew sadder as he sat on his bed and pulled the covers over his head.

I fucked up, damnit. Why? Why did I have to fall asleep?

Everything was calm as he slowly fell asleep. His breath evening out.

I'm a terrible guardian, Bloody hell why can't I just do something right? I'm causing more pain then I am being helpful.

But what was it that kept making me comeback? Was it him? Or am I making this as a choice? Or because I literally have no other options? I thought back to earlier. Was the kiss unexpected? Yes. But I'd be lying if I said it was bad. It was over before it began, yes, but it was.. It was just blissful. Yet something just didn't feel right about it. About us for that matter. If 'us' could even be counted as a thing, which it truly didn't Maybe I'm bi-sexual? I mean I've never really been with anyone other than girls, but this was different. Different circumstances, different times.

We could have been a thing. Maybe I guess.

Life can't just be a bunch of stories wrapped up in a bow. With perfect endings and perfect characters.

Life isn't perfect though. Life isn't a fairy tale. Sadly enough.

I sat and thought about that for a while. A little bit about life, a little bit about karma. Was karma just an excuse our parents used to make sure we behaved, or did it really exist? If so what did I do that was so bad that I deserved to be hit by a car? Where is the fairness in that? There are murders sitting on death row. Alive and smoking a cigarette, awaiting his own death. Then again that might be his own version of karma. awaiting his own inevitable death.

Its questions like this that always made me lay on my carpet face down. Why am I over thinking my life even after death? Why is there stress following me into the after life? I am just here to protect my friend and my family as well. Watching over them like the guardian angel I was meant to be. Even if I'm a pretty shitty one at that.

It was only 4 am, the world around me wasn't awake yet. I checked on Phil one more time before dozing off myself. When I noticed him stirring in his sleep while mumbling to himself. I got up and walked over yo his bed planting a light kiss on his forehead. Dispelling the nightmare and replacing with a happy memory of his. His face became calm and his mumbling ceased and turned into small, quiet snores. I went back and settled into the lounge chair making sure to cloak myself before going to sleep.


	9. Chapter 12

_an: hey guys. Im pretty bored and I wanna write more. But I have no clue what to write, so I'm coming to you guys for help! Any suggestions? Leave a review or direct message me! I kinda wanna start another phanfic but I don't know. Help! ~thefallenpoet_


	10. Chapter 13

_an: HEY GUYS! Wow I'm churning this one out pretty quick. And ive written half a chapter for the next chapter as well. So expect that soon! Anyways hope you guys enjoy and carry on!_

* * *

 ** _reviews: fandomcentral1313: 1. So was I when I wrote that 2. Sorry it had to happen and 3. It a was v emo_**

 _ **notyournormalninja: 1. I wish I did is literally the basis of all of Dan's winged bullshit.**_

 _ **mychemicalspamano: 1.I wasn't crying because I'm the heartless person who wrote that c: 2.*guitar solo* 3. When I die and become Satan that's how I want my wings to look. 4. Thanks for the ideas! 3**_

 ** _Thatonegirlnoonenotices: *notices you aggressively* but really thanks for the great suggestion3_**

 ** _florrence23: of dan was a weird choice but a right choice. 2. Thank you so so much for your suggestions 3_**

* * *

 ** _trigger warning: if you're sensitive to depression and depression . Like topics proceed with caution_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own angel bean or d-slice. Sorry_**

 ** _P.s. Im gonna mention this again in case you forgot. And italicized moments in the actual story. Thats when phil is talked to himself. Or at least a part of his subconscious is talking to him_**

 ** _Guardian soulmate_**

 ***Phil's POV***

I woke up with an awkward feeling stirring in my gut. Like something was just out of place. I was right, too. I hazily rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and looked up at the clock. Its 2:45 am, great I'm never going to be able to go back to sleep. I looked around the room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I spotted a small under the blanket in my arm chair. I went over and carefully pulled the blanket off.

"What the-"

I looked down and laying in my arm chair was none other than Dan. That's impossible though. I'm tired, I must be dreaming.

"This isn't what it looks like," He said defensively. His eyes darting quickly around the room. I stared at him again, this is too real to be a dream. But, but it has to be a dream.

"How are you? How are you here?"

 _He's not you idiot, he's dead. You're dreaming._

"This is a dream Phil. Go back to bed please. You're dreaming."

 _Of course its a dream this can't be real. You're still asleep_

"I'm dreaming? But why does this feel real?" I blurted out. I hadn't meant to say it out loud but I had.

"Just go back to bed Phil. Go back to sleep"

Dream or not it felt good to talk to him. I missed having someone talk to besides my family and the usual friends.

"But I wanna talk to you. If I go back to bed I may never have a chance to talk to you again."

He froze; contemplating what I just said. He knows I'm right.

"Phil please. Go back to bed. I'm not real. I'm dead Phil."

Why did those words struck a cord with me? There's no denying the truth in what he just said. But why did it hurt from just him saying it to me?

 _Its because its the truth Phil. Something you're still refusing to accept._

"Just go back to bed. You'll forget this in the morning."

"But i- I want you to be here. Will you be here when i wake up?" I pleaded.

 _Phil you're a god damn child. This is a dream. He's dead remember?_

"Do you want me to be?"

"Yes. Please."

 _Phil you're asking something that isn't real to be here in the morning. Wake up._

But this can't be a dream. Its to real to be a dream. My dreams aren't like this. But it feel real. I mean there is a way to prove it. Right here right now.

 _Go on lover boy. Prove it._

I blame myself on lack of sleep. But I know that's not what convinced me. What I did was purely myself thinking straight. I just kissed Dan and it felt real. The kiss was so unreal. But I believed it. I looked up and noticed Dan's brightly flushed face. Oh god he didn't like it. He doesn't like me.

"Oh god I- I just. I am so so sorry." I hid my beet red face in my palms. I fucked up again didn't I?

I kept my face covered quickly walking to the bathroom. I need to wake up. I turned on the hot water and splashed some in my face. I looked up at my reflection in the mirror.

"IDIOT!" I said slamming my hands down on the sink.

 _You were finally getting over him!_

 _And here you are having dreams about him. You were getting better!_

Truth be told I wasn't. And truth be told I probably spiked our water bill by 69 pounds by the time I left the bathroom.

I walked back into my room and my eyes darted about. No sign of Dan. I guess it was a dream...

 _Told you lover boy._

To say I was disappointed would have been counted as the biggest understatement of the century. I want him to be where i am now. I want to be the one 6 feet under. Its not fair that he sacrificed everything. For me of all people.

I got back into bed and pulled the covers directly over my head. Maybe I can just go back to sleep and forget about this. The strange feeling still hasn't left but I just pushed it off to the side.

I tossed and turned in my sleep for a while. Staring up at the ceiling for almost and hour or so. Before my brain finally won the battl couldn't take it anymore.

My subconscious hasn't changed. Its just darkness. With my mind playing memories over and over. Twisting them to my liking or disliking. But now it seems to want to replay the dream of me and Dan kissing. A dream within a dream. That can happen? Dream-ception?

But it changed.

"Hey Phil. Wanna record some Sims videos?"

I wouldn't have known it was Dan. But his voice hasn't changed. Nor his eyes. His hair and his face grew up and matured. Much like I wish he had.

We were in an apartment I've never seen. But it was filled with little things I still remember. My final fantasy cloud figurine. Which was sitting atop the mantle piece. And 2 YouTube gold plaques. One reading "AmazingPhil." The other reading "Danisnotonfire."

"I think we should. I mean I kinda miss Dil." Someone else said. It was... Well... Me. I had an identical hair cut to Dan. And my northern accent was almost unapparent. I wore glasses and my hair was dyed pitch black.

"So, Isn't it time for a visit?" Dan said walking into a different room.

Recording devices were set up. They were much better then the black and white camera I had now.

I sat down beside Dan. Happily peaking him on the cheek as I booted up the Mac.


	11. Chapter 14

_an; hey guys! Sorry I'm a bit late but none the less. I hope all of you had a wonderful valentines day! And I hope all of you pig out on the valentines day clearance candy 3 I should have a new chapter out by next week. Love you guys_

 _~thefallenpoet_


	12. Chapter 15

_An: hey guys... Real sorry about the delay. I'm almost done with a chapter. But today I was admitted to the hospital. I should be okay. And I may have a new chapter either tonight or tomorrow. As for my health I should recover. I think I'll be okay at the very least ~ love you guys long time_

 _~thefallenpoet_


	13. Chapter 16

_An: FINALLYY I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER. YESSS~ anyways enjoy c:~. Also to keep you guys up to date with my health and schedule. My colon and my gallbladder are failing. And my stomach is making too much acid. But I will be okay. I have a colonscopy and a gallbladder surgery scheduled soon. So wish me luck~ anyways carry on~ *sips tea with satan*_

* * *

 ** _REVIEWS!:_**

 ** _Lexilou12: thank you~ And oh my god! Are you alright? I'm not worried about myself but are you okay?~ please feel better_**

 ** _Guest: thanks~ I'm okay~_**

* * *

 ** _disclaimer: I don't own Dan or Phil_**

 ** _Warning: there is aaaalllooooot of swearing. You have been warned_**

 ** _Trigger warning: depression/depressive topics, suicide/mention of suicide_**

* * *

 _ **GUARDIAN SOULMATE**_

 ** _*Phil's POV*_**

"Stop it! Stop it!" I screamed aloud as if someone could hear me. Seeing me with Dan. How happy we are together. I can't take it. But it doesn't stop with my screams. My desperate pleas.

"Hello housemates!"

"Really Phil?"

"Yes cause Dil has a new housemate!"

"That's right! Tabitha actually moved in with us!"

Who's Dil. And who's Tabitha?

"Okay so Dil wants to embrace Tabitha and kiss Tabitha."

"Same Dil, Same." Dan said turning to look at me.

Please stop this. I don't wanna see this.

It continued on despite my pleas.

Dan grabbed my hand and squeezed it under the desk. With a smile plastered on his face. He turned his attention back to the monitor and as did I.

"So what new job should we give Dil?"

"Hm.. doctor?. Put the life of Sims in your hands."

"NOPE NOPE NOPE. I don't trust Dil with that."

"Scientist?"

"I think that'd work."

"And annnnnnnd, Dil is now a scientist! Wait but what about his jobs as a mixologist?"

"I mean it could just be a hobby."

Silence fell across the room for a second as Dan turned to look at 'me'. Dead in the eyes he turned out the camera and let out a big chuckle.

"You heard it here first guys. Just give up on everything you ever worked for and become a scientist."

I started laughing with a smile from ear to ear.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Okay guys we're gonna skip ahead so Dil can start working on Monday."

He pressed the fast forward button in game as we watched him work out for a few seconds.

Then Dan turned and kissed me on the cheek. "You're too adorable."

"I'm not adorable! I'm mean! Fear me!" I screamed as I started laughing.

"Phil your personality is to adorable for that."

My face went from happy to grumpy when he said that. It was a fake frown but still i kept it.

"I'm not adorable." I mumbled to myself, "and you're editing that out."

"Fine fine. I deserve that."

We continued to record until we said our goodbyes to the camera and shut it off.

Then I woke up

"Phil! Phil! Wake up!" My mom screamed shaking me awake.

My eyes fluttered open to see my mom standing over my bed

"Yes? I'm up. I'm up."

"Yeah we know. You were talking... Well screaming.."

"What? I was still asleep..." Then it dawned on me. It wasn't just screaming in my dreams. I was screaming in my sleep too.

"Phil are you sure you're alright? Your father and I are worried about you..

" Yeah I'm fine mom, don't worry."

"Phil I know you're lying. Something is bugging you." My mom said sitting down on the bed next to me.

"Mom I swear I'm okay" I said looking down avoiding eye contact.

"Is it because of Dan?"

I swallowed hard thinking about my dream from earlier. Kissing him and then holding his hand. And smiling like there wasn't a problem in the world.

"Phil I know he was your friend. But you gotta move on. Dan would want you to."

It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around me that I figured out I was crying.

"I- I know mom. I told you I'm fine. Its just difficult, that's all."

"Phil you need to talk to someone about this. This isn't healthy or good for you."

"I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!" I said standing up. Grabbing a nearby jacket and running out of the room.

"Phil!" My mom called after me.

I continued to run until I was outside. I sat in my front yard trying to catch my breath. And watching the sun slowly rise in front of me.

"Dan wherever you are, listen up. I'm sorry okay. God damnit I'm sorry. Maybe it was all your choice. But it was still my fault. Just please, Stop. I wanna move on. And whether this is actually you or not. Just please. Stop, or I'll... I'll..."

"God whats the point in this. Dan listen to me you stupid, stupid son of a bitch. I'm getting to my witts end here. I'm a god damn mess here. Just please. Give me some kind of sign or something. I need something to put my faith in. And right now I've got no dice. I'm going crazy here Dan. And soon or later my parents are gonna ship me off to the looney bin if I don't pull myself together. So call this the last plea if a desperate man."

I sat there figuring that my entire rant was more or less pointless. I'm just screaming to empty space at this point. Maybe I need a trip to the Looney bin. I'd fit right in. I mean I actually believe a god damn angel is following me around. And above all else one of this guy who I had an awkward one sided crush on. Sure that could totally happen. God I'm an idiot. What's wrong with me?

It was admittedly cold outside so I looked down at the jumper currently resting in my lap. It was a different jumper from my usual ones. It was a bright red pull over. The front read, "University of Manchester." This is not what I'm thinking it is, is it? I stared at the fabric and played with the material in my hands for a second. I then threw it in front of me. It landing somewhere in front of me in the fresh dew covered grass.

I buried my head into my knees holding in the tears that were forming in my eyes. God what is wrong with me.

"Phil nothing is wrong with you"

* * *

 _An: oooooo cliffhanger! Who said that? I don't even know. Haha_


	14. Chapter 17

_an: Sorry guys that I haven't updated in a while! I've been a bit busy.. I have to go into surgery today. So that's not gonna be fun. But I'll manage. Wish me luck! Anyways! I should have a new chapter out soon. Again I've been a bit caught up in prepping for said surgery. So yeah. Also I know my girlfriend doesn't read any of my works on here. I don't think at least. HEY KAYLA IF YOURE READING THIS. HIIIIIII. Anyways! Its me and my girlfriends one month anniversary, but I'm not gonna be able to celebrate it with her. So if you guys could give me some ideas on how I could make it up to her. I'd adore it. Thank you guys for reading and keeping up with me! Love you guys~!_

Sincerely,

Thefallenpoet


	15. Chapter 18

_an:So I'm gonna tell you guys the story of after I got my colonoscopy and my endoscopy (I ended up getting both today) so I was high off my ass as you can imagine. (I'm still pretty out of it) so I guess I woke up a couple of time screaming about my desire for candy. So basically I was high off my ass screaming about how I wanted a lollipop. So after I was discharged I started walking to the car. Barely being able to walk a straight line. So I kept going on about how I really wanted a lollipop. Even though one of the nurses had given me a bag of jolly ranchers. Apparently I had my heart and mind set on getting a lollipop. So my mom said the gift shop might have been closed and I was upset. When we found out it wasn't we went to get me a lollipop. And well on the search for a lollipop in the gift shop I stumbled upon the stuffed animal section. Ment for babies and smol children. In which case I started petting all of them because they were very fluffy. So I had my heart set on an elephant plushie (which I got!) And then my mom started showing me other plushies. Such as pandas,giraffes. Ect. So I picked and hugged the elephant and panda as hard as I could not daring to let them go. Then my mom told me I could only get 1. And well being fucking high off my ass. I started crying. I was standing in the middle of a gift shop. Crying because I wanted both the stuffed animals. I was so high that I started crying. I'm fricken 16. How hilarious do you think it was for the clerk to just be staring at me as my dad is trying to calm me down as I'm just kinda standing there crying in my captain America hoodie with my punk rock hair style and combat boots. That must have been a sight. So we went to the counter in which I was given more than one concerned glares from the cashier and we left. As I continued my drug fueled triad.. That must have been fucking hilarious to watch. Anyways! I'm out of the hospital. I'm doing okay. Slowly recovering but doing just fine ~ love you guys ~_

 _Sincerely_

 _Thefallenpoet (sorry about being M.I.A)_


	16. Chapter 19

_An; hey guys! Yes, I'm not dead! Haha! I just wanted to tell you guys I started another phanfic (don't worry I will still update this story along side it.) Its called 'who are you'. Its a phanfic I just started and I'm really excited about it! So go check it out if you don't mind ❤. I love you guys lots and please enjoy!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own Dan or Phil_**

 _ **Reviews:**_

 _ **Florence23: I think I named him Gabriel. After my not so healthy obsession with the archangel from Supernatural. I do love the name lollipop though. Also those are great date ideas. Thank you**_

 _ **Guest: yeaaahhhh.. Sorry about being M.I.A for a while. But thanks for the suggestions though!**_

 _ **Guest: (a different one? Or the same as before?) I'm all about them cliff hangers m8. And thank you**_

 _ **Trigger warning: depression/depressive topics and mention of suicide. You have been warned.**_

 ** _Guardian Soulmate_**

"Mom, I don't get it. Why can't I just move on?"

"Phil, I'm sorry, I don't think I can answer that. Only you can."

"Why can't I just move on from this bullshit! It's his fault! Not mine!" I screamed loudly. Surely the neighbors could have heard me if any of them were awake.

"Phil, you just gotta be honest with yourself." My mom said sitting down in the grass next to me.

I felt her wrap her arms around me. And that's when I realized I was crying.

I scooched away from her. My head remaining on my knees.

"Mom I am honest with myself! That's the problem! I'm the reason he's dead! I'm the fucking problem here! Why don't you see that!"

"Phillip Michael Lester, listen here. There is nothing wrong with you. There never has been and there never will be " she wrapped her arms around me carefully. Pulling me into a tight hug.

We sat in silence for a while. The air filled with the sounds of cars driving by, and the grasshoppers singing their song.

"You know, I remember the first day I took you home." My mom said breaking the silence.

"Oh no, not this again."

"I do. I remember meeting your father out in the parking lot. Martin was in the backseat. He was so excited to meet his baby brother. It was snowing, and it was freezing! I was on almost 4 jumpers and I was still cold!"

I chuckled a bit.

"There's my Phil. You know you were such a happy baby, always smiling, and laughing. Your father said you took more after me than him. I don't know about that, but I'm glad you're like me."

"Mom?"

"Yes Phil?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime Phil, anytime."

We sat there again. Silence filling the air once more.

"You know, we should probably go quite chilly out. We don't need to catch a cold."

"Alright." I said trying to get up. My legs refusing to move.

"C'mon" she said helping me stand up. I slowly wobbled my way over to Dan's hoodie and threw it on. It was a little damp, but I didn't care.I'd deal with that later.

I wasn't happy. But I was okay. That's more than I could have said a while ago.

I went back to my room and flopped back into bed. I stared up at the ceiling just wondering what I should do. It was to early to face the world. But I wasn't tired. I got up and walked over to my desk. Grabbing my notebook and a pen, hoping maybe writing will help me fall asleep. It normally does anyways.

 _"I sat atop a hill, covered in flowers. Spring was upon the horizon. It was as close to perfect as I could get ,but something was wrong here. Something or someone was missing. I didn't have my knight with me, my protector. He wasn't here with me. And my heart knew that. Where was he? It wasn't like him to be late. He never was, at least. My mind raced to answer itself, my heart sank as I quickly realized what could be wrong. "No" I told myself. Stop thinking like that. He'll be okay, he always is. But what if- what if he's not?- he could be dead for all I know! I deserve to know that he's okay. I slowly got up. Making my way down the hill."_

*Dan's POV*

I put two fingers to his head, putting him to sleep. Its been a long morning, he needs some rest.

His hand that held the notebook in front of him came crashing to the side. The book falling onto his chest with a 'thump'. The pen falling to the floor. I picked up the pen and grabbed the notebook. Putting them back on the shelf where they belonged. I stood over top the bed, this felt creepy. Yes I was to watch him, but I still have morals. And its not like I have a choice. I can't really go anywhere. I'm bounded to him. While I don't want to be, I am. I can feel his emotions. His doubt, his sadness. But also the happiness he feels. I looked down at him once more. He looked peaceful. I can see his dreams if I wanted to. I could change them, but I choose not to interfere. Its not my place to. He is my soulmate, but I wish to respect that. He has my mark, and I cannot change that. He cant see it, but I can. Its a small hand print on his side from where I pushed him. It looks almost seeded onto his skin. Like a tattoo almost. He could see it if I was alive. Everyone has this mark. It shows when they're 20. Because I was 19 he never got the mark. And he still won't. Only if I chose that he could see it. I control so much, but I shouldn't be give any control. I'm too flawed. I can barely make decisions on my own. Let alone for both me and another person. His life is in my hands. And I'm not ready for that. For Christ sake I can't even drink alcohol!

I turned to leave when he started shouting. He was still asleep so surely it was a nightmare. Even with my presence he can still have those. Whether they are about me or not, it doesn't matter.

I sighed and slowly pressed my lips to his forehead. Dispelling the bad dream from his head. Replacing it with a better dream.

I sat down on the bed next to him. And there I stayed. Making sure he would not wake up from a bad dream.

This is the life I chose I suppose. Am I happy? As long as Phil is safe and happy. Then so I shall be. And now that I think this all back, it sounds really really creepy. .


	17. Chapter 20

_an: hey guys! Sorry this isn't a new chapter. But I'm just here to say... Today is my birthday! C: haha! ~ its been a pretty good birthday so far~ anyways thanks for reading and keeping updated ~_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Thefallenpoet_


	18. Chapter 21

_An: I'm absolutely disgusted by the actions in Orlando, Florida._ _My heart goes out to the victims as well as the victim's families. There was no reason for this kind of violence. Gun laws need fucking changed in the U.S. there is no reason that in the past year we've had 133 mass shootings. We had 372 in 2015, that's one for almost every day of the year. That's disgusting. Something fucking needs done about this. I just got back from my city's pride parade, that's why I'm just now posting about this, but I still can't wrap my mind around this._

 _My heart also goes out to the family of Miss Christina Grimmie, who was shot following one of her live shows in Orlando._

 _My heart is deeply saddened and I pray for the best for the families of all those effected._


	19. Chapter 22

**_an: Hey guys! Sorry its been such a long time. My work put me and full time so I've been working a lot. And I'm quite sorry about not updating is so long. But to make up for it I'll do like a small Q and A or something if you guys want, so ask some questions in the reviews. Or suggest something I can do to make it up to you guys, anyways if you guys want to you can follow my Instagram coffeeshoplester or my tumble thefallenpoetsociety or wanttobewitch. Anyways guys I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Thanks for reading, as I put a little nod to supernatural in this chapter. If you guys can guess it put it in the reviews as well._**

 _ **reviews: little late but thanks for all the birthday wishes!**_

 _ **Florence23: woooooah that's really cool! Thanks for the birthday wish ❤**_

 _ **Guest: thank you~ I try**_

 ** _Mychemicalspamano_** _ **: that's**_ ** _actually a really useful suggestion, thank you_**

 _ **trigger warning: this story deals with depression, and mentions suicide. Please proceed with warning.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Dan and Phil, I do have plushies of them though.**_

 _ **Guardian Soulmate**_

 _*Phil's POV*_

 _I laid on a padded 'couch' staring up at a painfully boring white ceiling, which wasn't really helping my case in the end._

"So Mr. Lester, do you know why you're here?"

"No, I have absolutely no clue."

" , please try to reason with me."

I let out a pretty long and a little overdramatic sigh.

"So , why are you here?"

"Because I haven't 'been' the same as I usually am?"

"No, you're here because someone very close to you is extremley worried about you."

"Because I haven't been acting like myself lately?"

"Yes. Now Mr. Lester, can you take me back to the root of the problem?"

 _I continued to stare up at the ceiling, because again, this really ISN'T helping my cause all that much._

"Can I just go, I'd rather not be here. And I really don't want to talk about it."

"Mr. Lester, let's cut to the chase, shall we? You're in denial and hiding it like you're trying to won't help you get over it. You need to talk about it." He sat back in his chair after interigating me, and admittedly I gulped loud enough that people two rooms over could probably hear me.

 _I was never the best with telling people how I'm feeling. Its probably one thing of my personality I've grown to hate._

"This is because of Dan isn't it?"

"Mr. Lester, who is this 'Dan' character? A friend, a colleague of sorts?"

"I guess you could call him a friend."

"Okay, and this 'Dan' character, where did you meet him? Whats you attachment to him?"

"He was my neighbor, thats it! He lived right next to us! That's all!" I slammed my fist onto the couch as the leather made a rather satisfying 'crunch' like noise.

"Mr. Lester, I would ask of you, please calm down. There is no reason to get worked up with me."

"Why? Why shouldn't I get worked up? He's dead! I can get worked up because of a dead guy right? Its only right!"

He nudged a tissue box in my direction. I pushed it back to him because I didn't care to wipe my eyes.

"I see where you are coming from, but there is no reason to get fussed up with me. Please explain, I have clearly not been... Made aware of your 'relationship' to the deceased."

 _I chuckled, 'relationship', now that's funny. The idea us funny, not that I haven't thought about it every once in a while, but let's be realistic. Which a 'relationship' is not, whether he's dead or not._

"Mr lester, what are your thoughts on your 'relationship' with the deceased?"

"How would I describe my relationship with the deceased? 'Mutual friendship?" I said with a snicker.

"This is serious Mr Lester."

"Okay."

"Alright, so can you tell me what happened? In your own words of course."

"I was walking back from getting my mail and Dan, He um, pushed me out of the way. So I wouldn't get hut by a car."

"Okay, but what were you feeling?"

 _Oh god this is just like stereotypical therapy on TV._

"How was I feeling?"

"Yes."

"How would you feel if someone sacrificed themselves for you? Huh? How would you feel?"

"Mister Lester, please just cooperate."

"I am cooperating."

"Mr. Lester, please, just take this seriously."

"I'm being completely serious."

"Alright, now Mister Lester, please continue. How did the passing of your 'friend' make you feel?"

"Is depresseda good enough word for it?"

"Its a start. Now Mister Lester, your mother informed me if your little morning fiasco a couple of nights ago. Could you tell me a little more about that?"

"Honestly I forgot about that. I forgot I did that in the long run."

"Well your mother I'd extremely worried because of a few choice words you used."

"Meaning?"

"Mister Lester im going to be very frank with you, I've seen a lot of cases just like yours, and they all have the same type of cooping mechanism. So tell me, are you suicidal at all? Do you have any tendencies I should know about?"

"No, at least I don't think so."

"I mean, I once ate mentos and drank coke a cola, you wouldn't count that as a suicide attempt would you?"

"No, Mister Lester, I don't thing that counts, but here if in the future you have any 'urges' please don't hesitate to call." He said handing me a small packets with a bunch of numbers on it.

"Now Mister Lester, I believe you appointment is over, you can schedule another out in the waiting room, it was a pleasure." He extended a hand which I took.

"Thank you."

I left that room not feeling any better than I had stepping into it. My opinion on therapy still stands, it just isn't for me.

I went out and greeted the lady behind the counter.

"Will you be scheduling another appointment with us?"

"Not this time, thank you though."

"Alright, have a good day."

"You too _!"_

I stepped into my car and just kinda sat there. I didn't really want to drive right now, therapy was pretty draining in and of itself.

I spotted a Starbucks across the road, I could use some _energy._


	20. Chapter 23

_an: hi guys, I apologized for the delay. I had broken my wrist recently so I was unable to write. And I thought today would be a good day to update. Its been a terrible day for everyone. POC, LGBTQ+, Muslims, women, just everyone. We elected a terrible terrible man as president so I thought I'd update to bring some cheer. Love you guys, stay safe._

 ** _warning: I don't own Dan or Phil_**

 ** _TRIGGER WARNING: this story deals with depression, depressive topics ,and suicide please_** ** _proceed with caution._**

 ** _The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1- 800-273-8255_**

 ** _Crisis text line: text: 741-741_**

 ** _The Trevor project: (866) 488-7386_**

 ** _Trans lifeline: US: (877) 565-8860 Canada: (877) 330-6366_**

 ** _GUARDIAN SOULMATE_**

I abandoned my car at the therapist's office and dashed across the street to the starbucks.

I walked in and was greetef by the lady behind the counted.

"What can i get you?"

"Um, can i get a salted caramel frappe?" I said looking around to see an almost empty starbucks.

"Oh, are you meeting someone?"

"Uh, no, im here alone."

"Alright, can i get a name for the order?"

"Yeah, my name is Phil."

"Thank you, ill call you when its ready."

I slid the lady a five and sat by the counter waiting. I adjusted my bag so it hung off my shoulder loosely.

"Frappe for Phil?"

I quickly walked over and grabbed the drink from the barista.

"Have a good day!"

"You too."

I grabbed the drinnk and hurried over to a small booth in the corner.

Pulling out my laptop i quickly connected to the wifi. I clicked onto my youtube channel, i had made a video a couple of days ago. But you guys seemed to have liked it enough. Most of the comments feeling ultimately sorry for me. Which i expected going into it. I also expected a bunch of 'trolls' at the very least. But suprisingly there seemed to be very few.

 _"Stay strong."_

 _"It'll be okay."_

 _"We're here for you."_

 _I didnt want to cry right then and there, but i will admit to crying a little. Theres no words for the feeling you get when people are there for you. Its aspiring to say the least._

I looked up from my computer only to see the barista from earlier leaning over the table.

"Hello?"

"Hi.. sorry i just wanted to say hi, my name is Melissa by the way."

"Hi Melissa."

"Um, here, just you know, if you wanted it."

She said handing me a small napkin with her number on it.

"Oh, thanks."

"Yeah, but i should probably get back to work. Call me later?"

"Sure."

"See you later," She said walking way. Only to turn back and blow a kiss.

 _I gotta say my face has to have turned a new shade of pink. Call me 'inexperienced' all you want, but im just not used to it._

I shoved the napkin in my hoodie pocket.

Opening up google i typed into the search bar 'is it normal to see dead loved ones?'

 _I dont know what i expected, but I probably should have expected to see quite a few "Supernatural" related websites pop up._

"Ten ways to tell you're haunted."

 _Oh boy._

"1. Objects will go missing or seemingly will be moved."

 _Well i mean, I dont think anything has gone missing._

"2. The room will suddenly drop in temperature."

 _I live in Manchester, that just naturally happens._

"3. Things will 'go bump in the night."

 _That is one of the weirdest, and funniest things I've ever read. 'Things will go bump in the night', what does that mean?_

"4. There will be unexplained noises."

 _I mean, i live in a fairly old house._

"5. Lights will turn on and off."

 _Again, not that i know of._

"6. Feelings of being watched."

 _I thought back to a couple of days ago, i swear it was a dream, at least thats how my brain rationalized it. But thats all it could be, theres no way in hell that was real._

"7. Weird smells"

 _Again, I live in an old house, also in Manchester._

"8. Strange dreams and night terrors"

 _Well, im just going to ignore that_.

"9. Apparitions will begin appearing"

 _Again, im jut gonna ignore that one_.

"10. Electric disturbances"

 _I'll just chalk that one up as, i live in a very old house_.

At the bottom of the page there was a next arrow that said 'solutions'

"Six easy ways to get rid of a ghost/discover the ghost."

"1. Call a paranormal specialist."

"2. Burn some sage, or 'cleanse your house."

 _What the?_

"3. Ask it to leave."

 _Cause thats gonna work._

"4. Perform an excorsim"

 _Right, i dont see that as an option that has to happen._

 _"5. Salt"_

 _Salt? What does that mean? What am i supposed to do with that?_

"6. Buy an Ouija board."

 _I feel like a white person in a horror movie_.

I opened another tab on screened and went to eBay. I searched Ouija board into the search bar.

 _Here goes nothing, i guess._

I found one that was relatively new and clicked buy now. It'll be here in less than a week, i guess I'll just have to wait until then.

It took almost a week to get here, but it will definitely be worth the wait. I grabbed the box of the kitchen table, thankful that my mother doesnt open packages addressed to me.

After a couple of futile attempts to just rip off the tape i grabbed a kitchen knife from its holder and opened the box finally.

I was greeted my a brown box with the word Ouija on the front in bolded text.


	21. I'm sorry

_an: I'm so so sorry guys, you guys haven't been so patient waiting for an Update, and I thank all of you that have been patient but my health just keeps getting worse. I thought I was getting better and that I'd be able to write again, but ive been laid out for a better part of a month. I haven't been able to get out of bed to do much of anything, but I do promise you, I will have an update out by the end of the month. Thank you all for sticking with me and thanks for reading._

 _~teacuppoet_


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